Do you ever feel like you’ve just piled too many things on top of other things and now you are somehow being crushed under the weight of a zillion very small tasks, none of which are very important, but all of which are dependent upon the completion of the item directly below them?
I do.
For example: when my husband and I were renovating our new place. We were supposed to move in by February 1. (HAHA. Surely we weren’t so foolish as to actually believe that we would move in by the estimated date? Or that we would complete the renovation within the set budget? ***Cue maniacal laughter…..bwahahahahaha.) Anyways, to illustrate my point: we have yet to install the kitchen cabinets, floor, countertops, backsplash, sink and the upstairs toilet and bath lighting fixture…but you can’t put in the backsplash until you have the countertop and the paint finished, and you can’t put in the countertop until the floor is finished drying, but the floor guy still needs to come fix the scratches he left and re-stain the part that doesn’t match the other part and the painter can’t paint all of it until the floor is complete, and the toilet and lighting fixtures can’t be installed until the paint is complete…and so it goes.
It’s like a never-ending performance of “Dry Bones”. “The head bone’s connected to the…neck bone, the neck bone’s connected to the…shoulder bone, the shoulder bone’s connected to the…backbone, the backbone’s connected to the…rib bone…”
It’s annoying. On the one hand, I have so much on my plate that keeping my head above water seems like a full-time job, but on the other hand, I am also painfully aware that these things are “first world problems”. Let’s face it: if I run out of time and can’t make it to the countertop place this week, the worst thing that happens is that it delays the project even more and I have to stay in a comfortable and safe interim apartment for an extra couple of weeks. This is the difference between “intellectual intelligence” and “emotional intelligence.” It’s like the old saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff…and everything is small stuff” (I’ll see that and raise you one “the devil is in the details” card).
The other day, I was reading an old issue of TIME, which is all about longevity and aging, and I learned quite a lot. The term “mindfulness” is batted around quite a lot these days–it might best be defined as the state of having an awareness of what you’re thinking and feeling at the moment. Studies from Yale and Brown University have shown that people with “mindful dispositions” have significantly less body fat and score higher on markers of heart health. Elissa Epel’s studies at University of California, San Francisco have shown that that meditation can reduce stress and prevent people from focusing on negative emotions. And though studies have shown for years that anger and stress can release stress hormones (adrenaline, etc.) into the bloodstream, new research suggests a connection between stress and how well the brain may combat brain changes like Alzheimer’s disease, so seriously, having learned all of this, I have a renewed commitment to relaxation and stress management. (Incidentally, I also learned that the ocean quahog, a fist-sized clam, can live to be over 500 years old. Clearly, this enterprising mollusk has cornered the market on mindful meditation…though I wonder exactly what a clam has to be worried about on a daily basis. Maybe sea otters.)
So getting back to my initial point (yes, I know, that WAS a tangent), how do I combat this February anxiety? So far, I’ve tried:
- Checking things off my To Do List – very satisfying, but not very practical since it generally takes more than 72 hours to complete each one.
- Hot bath and a good book – good for taking my mind off of it but not exactly an “extended release”
tablet. - Yelling at the people who haven’t done what they said they were going to do – not at all productive and generally leaves me feeling more angry than I was to begin with.
- Meditating – well, it hasn’t worked for me–I’m not yet able to clear my mind of the To Do List, but maybe I just need more practice.
- Spreading the love by doing something nice for someone else – always positive and guaranteed to
put the focus on someone other than myself.
So far, I think Option 5 is my best bet, which is fortuitous, since that’s what my job is about: finding ways to do good in the community. Studies have shown that volunteering helps people feel more socially connected, increases one’s overall sense of well-being and reduces stress levels and blood pressure. And all of these things are good because they can increase your life. So in addition to what I do at the office, I’m planning to volunteer some time this Saturday to help a friend with her son’s birthday party and I’ve also offered to help plan an event for a local non-profit. It’s not a lot, but it’s a start.
Here’s hoping that if the devil is in the details, attention to detail will help build a Mephistopheles-free kitchen. Paying it forward and bringing the focus out instead of in helps reveal the big picture. In the end, my loved ones and I have what we need and a lot of what we want, so even if I feel like I am one dented cabinet knob away from Losing It, I can still help make my community a better place. Trouble may live in the minutiae, but health and happiness reside in the sum of the parts, not necessarily the parts themselves.
